Wednesday, October 18, 2017
Can one eat a Klondike bar for breakfast? Especially if it's a chocolate chip mint one?
In all my years of raising children in this house I could count on one hand the number of times I have had Klondike bars residing in my freezer. But for some strange reason I purchased them yesterday.
Perhaps I had a premonition.
A premonition that my sweet, loving, exceedingly brilliant, grain-free cat would disappear and not come home again. The cat who naps with me every afternoon and sleeps with me every night. The one who brought chip, or dale, into my bedroom while I was sleeping.
The very one who has not sent me into a horrible panic attack at his loss.
I need a Klondike bar for comfort, for reassurance, for satisfaction.
So, from now on, the question will not be "What would you do for a Klondike bar?" but "What can a Klondike bar do for you?"
Sunday, October 1, 2017
That's what we Jersey Girls say.
Drip Dry and I went to a wedding yesterday in Asbury Park. I guess you might call it a destination wedding because whenever we travel to "The Shore" we get off the parkway at exit 25, of course. So imagine our excitement in exiting the parkway at exit 102.
I believe I had only been to Asbury Park once before in my life. I don't remember why, but it had nothing to do with Bruce Springsteen, and certainly had nothing to do with a wedding but, of course, this trip did. And boy did they Jersey it up.
A flute of champagne up arrival. A lovely (and brief) wedding ceremony in a beautiful room. A quick sprint into the cocktail hour to nab one of the few cocktail tables with a chair for me to sit it.
And then it began. The food.
Cheese steak, waffle fries, perogies, kielbasa, short rib sliders, grilled cheese, penne, filet, shrimp, crab, canoli, fried dough, cupcake, and ice cream; all topped off with the best of all Jersey inventions - pork roll and cheese sandwiches to go!
You gotta love New Jersey!
Tuesday, September 19, 2017
Some say it was an evolution of sorts.
Others tell me it was cascade-like.
Many describe it as a pirouette.
All 100 guests gasped when they saw it. The fall that went on forever. And ever. The fall of Olympic proportions.
And then someone from the concerned crowd cried out, "Liz Wilkey just fell!"
Another quipped, "Liz Wilkey???? Did you say Liz Wilkey?"
As if there were any doubt as to exactly who it was that stepped off that step into nothing but thin air, the woman who had somehow turned and landed on her feet and then stepped backwards over and over again trying desperately to catch herself and regain her balance - a gymnast who didn't quite stick the landing.
And then? Then she turned into that unfortunate ice skater who practices day and night for the big competition; attempting to do the quadruple Salchow, and somehow is short on her rotation and ends up falling flat on her butt in front of thousands of people.
If course there weren't thousands who saw me fall as we were waiting for the valet service to bring our car after the event with 1250 attendees. No, I'd estimate that gasp came from about 100 collective mouths. But ice skaters don't have the additional humiliation of the competitor's husband running over and screaming, "Nobody move her!" at the exact moment that the parking attendant drives up and yells, "Black Nissan Rogue!"
Nobody move her?
I don't know who you think you're married to buddy, but I moving alright. My car. Just get me into my car! Away from these faces, these eyes, these people! I want my black Nissan Rogue! But first I want a bag to put over my head as you raise me up and walk me over there.
Oh, the humiliation!
(For all who care. . . you can read the story behind the story here.)
Saturday, August 19, 2017
True to my threat, I headed off to Starbucks the other day, arrayed in my new role of authorhood, only to be greeted with the strangest of news. You see, I just wasn't up for a whole mocha-choka-broka-latte thing, and so I thought I could go for a simple iced tea.
Not so; for I discovered that there is nothing simple about iced tea anymore.
Not only do we now have to infuse said tea (I thought tea used to be steeped) but it appears that this tea which has been gently sweetened with only the most natural of ingredients, now needs to be shaken vigorously before I can consume it.
As much as I love my multiple glasses of Pinot Grigio, I've never really been a martini kind of gal and I suppose I just may be jealous of those who order what appears to be the most exotic of beverages. I admit right now that I have always loved the sound that the jiggling ice makes inside one of those metal shakers. Yes, that drink is shaken vigorously. That is, until it is poured. For, once poured, it becomes the most delicate beverage around. Did you ever notice that the wait staff practically has to tip-toe to your table to deliver it? And a glass that is shaped like a funnel? There is no more perfect way to serve liquor (except that somewhere along the way they plugged up the intended delivery system with a glass stem and the drinker is now forced to drink from the wrong end of the funnel.) And what about the toasting? Those martini drinkers all belong to their own private client group, for you cannot really clink their glass whilst proclaiming, "Cheers!" in case any of that precious liquid slosh over the edge. No, they get their own special air-clink instead.
But I digress.
We were speaking of tea here. Tea, which has never been shaken, nor clinked, nor infused in the 57 years I have resided on this planet. Ice-cold tea, which is then served to you in the most boring of plastic cups which bears your name and some fancy tea-identifying-initials and whose very essence of coldness then proceeds to sweat down the outside of the very same cup so that it requires at least five paper napkins to sop up the mess accumulated from one small Grande receptacle.
Monday, August 14, 2017
And I'm preparing answers in my mind for all of the questions that will be posed during the myriad of author interviews which will follow in the wake of publishing Drying My Tears. Here are just a few I've come up with:
- What do your fans mean to you? If I actually have fans, it means that they are currently one of the 14 people who have read my book and so I love them!
- When you're not writing, how do you spend your time? The answer to this one is easy: SLEEPING!
- How do you approach cover design? I approach a cover by designing anything that is free.
- Can you describe what your desk looks like? It's soft and plushy. It has pillows that match. It's a chair and a desk all in one. Why it's my living room couch!
- Do you encounter obstacles while trying to write? Well, we could start by talking about "Drain Clog" (a.k.a. brain fog) and then move on to feeling "Sabulous" (all dried out) which has resulted in corneal erosions and vision disturbances. No discussion of obstacles would be complete without mention of my ever-present fatigue, including the almost-daily "Walking Dead Wipeout".
What is my name, anyway???
Friday, August 11, 2017
I suppose that there were two enlightening things about my visit and both concerned my peripheral neuropathy. The first is that a physician stayed overtime for an hour-long nerve conduction study which I was not scheduled for. (I ask you. . . who in the regular world of medicine would do that?) The test revealed that there are no signs of large fiber neuropathy as seen by my local physiologist on the same study, and the more interesting thing is that my physician knew enough to know that the NCS done by my local doctor just three months ago had inconsistencies which needed to be explored; for the findings either meant that I could add another diagnosis like vasculitis, or the test results were incorrect.
The previous test results were incorrect.
Yet my small fiber neuropathy remains and seems to have traveled to other parts of my body at great speed. At my last visit four months ago, I never even mentioned my hands or arms as troublesome spots, yet now they are. Small fiber neuropathy is often described as having a "stocking and glove" distribution, yet my lack of sensation has - very quickly it appears - moved to "gaiters and opera glove" coverage.
Oh, insurance Gods, please approve those IvIG treatments promptly!
Thursday, August 3, 2017
I have been writing (and rewriting) this book, Drying My Tears, for close to 18 months, and yesterday I hit the PUBLISH button. In all honesty it was like sending my only child off to college. (On second thought, I should liken it to sending an only child off to boarding school as a kindergartner, because by the time my daughters went off to college I practically kicked them out of the house ) How could I possibly send my baby out into that big world and leave her open to criticism and reviews?
Drying My Tears recounts the story of my family's encounters with autoimmune diseases and shares my experiences with complementary medicine. It also serves as a sort of intimate journal, for in it, I have been very frank about what it is like to live with autoimmunity. Did I reveal too much of myself? Too little? A memoir like this is a funny thing. It's personal by its very nature.
I believe I may be shivering. . .
Buy It at Amazon!