Thursday, September 25, 2008

Why all the financial worrying?

I've been hearing a lot on the news lately about our financial crisis. No need to worry. We know our darling daughters are experts on spending other people's money. Let's just set them loose with the taxpayers' dollars and see what happens. . . .

Here is what they have to say on the matter:

First of all - forget that talk about "bailout". That's something parents do after you've been nabbed by the police at a party on Saturday night. Much better to call it a "rescue" like you're saving a little kitty in an animal shelter. Everyone likes saving things - do they not????

Next, forget about everything that old Warren Buffet says. Isn't he the old beach bum your parents listen to when they want to drink Margareta's and go crazy?

Then let's adopt the following plan for these financial institutions based on a teenager's intuition:
  • Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac - We have to put them in the rescue column. Their names are just too cute to loose.
  • AIG - American Insurance Group? B O R I N G !
  • Lehman Brothers - Sounds like some siblings they dated two years ago. Let's leave them by the wayside.
  • Smith Barney - Who on earth doesn't know that first names come first and last names come next? But - nevertheless - Barney Smith sits next to her in Chem class, and he didn't let her copy his homework, so let him flounder.
  • WaMu - ???? A crying cow ???? Need we say more?
  • Goldman Sachs - (a.k.a. Gold-Man-Saks) PERFECT!!! Money, Men, and a store in The Mall all rolled into one!!!! She's ready to move in.
  • Morgan Stanley, Merrill Lynch, and J.P. Morgan??? They sound rich, don't they? Better keep them around just in case.
So, all in all, these girls have saved the taxpayers a significant amount of money. Let's go have a latte and celebrate!