Friday, January 2, 2009

The things my teenage daughters taught me in 2008

A New Year is a good time for a Lessons Learned List - don't you think? Here is a month-by-month description of some of the things my daughters taught me last year.

  • January: Just because your daughter tells you she has detention doesn't mean she isn't lying to you - using her "detention" time to go tanning in the next town instead.
  • February: If your college-aged daughter gets into an accident with campus security, the rest of her semester will be miserable - and no, her father cannot put that bumper back on with superglue.
  • March: It is best to just throw the bathmat in your daughters' bathroom away, for you haven't met a daughter yet who seems to know that it's meant to go outside of the tub, not in it.
  • April: Just because your daughter passed her behind-the-wheel drivers' test, doesn't mean she knows how to operate the windshield wipers.
  • May: 28 pairs of flip-flops can reside together in one daughter's closet.
  • June: If you take a "vacation" with a daughter, she will prefer to stay in separate quarters and pretend she doesn't know you.
  • July: When daughters go on "service" trips to Appalachia, it costs over $200 to purchase the "not good" clothing they need to bring.
  • August: Letting daughters go to concerts in New York City via the Vodka Express will lead both daughters straight to the emergency room, and drive you to drink yourself.
  • September: Even if a grounded daughter calls from the karate studio and the caller I.D. verifies it, it doesn't mean she did run in, ask to use the phone, and head straight for the movie theater across the street.
  • October: A husband's home renovation project can be stopped in its tracks by the sight of a teenage daughter on the couch with a boy-who-is-a-friend.
  • November: If you pester your daughter to fill out her college applications, she will suddenly like your husband better than she likes you.
  • December: You cannot attempt to save three daughters seats in a crowded church on Christmas Day, for they will always be 15 minutes late - even if the service begins at noon.

Let's hope I am able to remain blissfully un-aware of their misdeeds in 2009!