Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Be Still, My Heart

I can tell you that right now that A Mom on Spin's heart is racing faster than a Euro flying out of a Roman ATM machine.

You see, Ponzi and my credit card leave for two weeks in Italy tomorrow (and - quite frankly - I don't know which one I worry about more. . . )

Now just let me state for the record that my parental anxiety was not quelled one bit when I discovered today that I only have two Xanax left in that bottle the doctor prescribed for me three years ago.  And if I have been able to hold onto that same bottle for all of that time, doesn't  it make sense that I could pick up the nearest phone and place an S.O.S. for an emergency refill?   But apparently you can't just request a refill for happy pills.  No, it seems that the well-meaning physician  who took the Hippocratic Oath to Do No Harm needs to see for himself that I am once-again a psychotic lunatic needing sedation.

I ask you. . . Doesn't that man read my blog???  Why can't I just tell him that Ponzi and my credit card are leaving tomorrow to spend two weeks in Italy???

Would that not suffice????

And although Ponzi will be traveling with a very generous friend . . .and the only thing that I agreed to pay for on this trip were her passport. . . and her airfare. . .and international Blackberry service. . .and a pre-flight-mani-pedi. . .  and some "farewell" frappa-mocha-chinos at Starbucks . . doesn't he know that there's a little matter of spending money that is still quite ill-defined between us???

And what about knowing his patient?  Doesn't that doctor know that Ponzi is only eighteen. . . and a knockout. . .and splits her days between the gym and the tanning salon??? Doesn't he know that Italian men are known for their aggressiveness towards beautiful women?  Doesn't he further know that the drinking age in Italy is like almost non-existent???

And, although I can tell him that, upon Drip Dry's request,  Veggie shared each one of her  fifty ways to lose a slimeball  techniques acquired during her semester in Florence just three short years ago (a.k.a. my virtual vacation) doesn't that doctor know that all young women think they know how to handle themselves with the opposite sex in a foreign country . .  .when they really don't???

And - as long as I'm on a roll here - do I have to remind the aforementioned physician that all of those gods and goddesses he swore The Oath to were Greek? And Ponzi's not even going to Greece! She's going to Italy where life is a whole lot more "civilized" you might say!  Alright, maybe Apollo straddled the fence, but Asclepius and Hygieia. . and those others. .  . well I believe those gods would be so focused on the young girls traveling in Athens, that they wouldn't even guess that Ponzi's mother had been slipped a Xanax or two on the side.  And what's with this Do No Harm thing anyhow?  I ask you. . . Would it do any harm to quell my racing heart long enough to say a proper goodbye to Ponzi????

 I say . . . Show me a physician with a teenage daughter about to step foot on Italian soil for the first time, and I guarantee you that prescription would be flying off his pad  faster than you could put a fig leaf on the the statue of David!

For then - and only then - will my heart be still . . .

Yeah. . .  that's it. . .