Friday, January 20, 2017

A Pearl of Motherly Wisdom

Needless to say, I don’t often get the opportunity to impart my motherly wisdom to my daughters.  But if I did, I’d tell them:  Make sure your legs are always clean-shaven because you never know when you’ll end up in the emergency room.”  That no-holes-in-your-underwear thing is passé anyway, for that advice was invented long before my daughters started wearing their lacey thongs.

A few years ago I fell up the stairs (yes, up) while carrying the laundry.  The pain that shot through my knee and down my leg was unbearable.  I stumbled to the phone to call my husband to beg him to take me to the emergency room when suddenly I remembered:  I haven’t shaved my legs in a week!  How could I ever let a doctor touch my injured leg when I haven’t shaved?  I’d rather be sporting dirty underwear with holes in them!”

No use wasting time watching grass grow, I had work to do.  I re-piled the stack of towels that I was carrying when I fell (towels, always towels) hobbled up the stairs, and hopped on my good leg into the bathroom where I grabbed my handy disposable razor and shaved my dry leg.  I threw a little moisturizer on for good luck, and was off to the emergency room.  After examining my leg and viewing the results of my x-rays, the attending physician called in another doctor for a consult.  They spoke in hushed tones for a few minutes.  The second doctor then examined my leg carefully.  They whispered some more.

And then they broke the news to me.  Mrs. Spin, your knee seems perfectly fine.  We are, however, concerned about the rash that seems to have developed on your calf.”

And that is why girls, you should always make sure your legs are as smooth and stubble-free as a baby’s bottom.