Thursday, May 4, 2017
Will You Still Feed Me?
Remember this post so long ago?
I have been thinking about this for a long time now. If I have troubles living my day-to-day life now, WHAT THE HECK AM I GOING TO DO WHEN I GET OLD???,
Can you just imagine me in a nursing home? (Oh, it's going to be a nursing home, people, because Drip Dry - though I love him - is just not the type of guy that would give up his golf game to being a caregiver. Care taker? Maybe. Care giver? No.) Who would take care of me like I do? The nurses and aides would be forced to shoot me. I can see it now. . .
"Oh aide, can you start my humidifier? And my eye drops, could you put one in each eye? No, not those prescription ones, the other prescription ones. Wait, we forgot to scrub my eyelids! I know we did that this morning, but I need to do it twice a day. And the goggles, do you have them warmed and ready? Now set a timer for me. Never mind Alexa can do that for me. Alexa, set a timer for 15 minutes. I hear you sliding out of the room now, missy. Go on ahead, but don't forget to come back! I know it's time for my thirteen nightly pills, but I just put these goggles on and my eyelid oil glands will never be right if I take them off now. The arm splints. Do you know where I put them? Get me my prescription toothpaste; I need to brush and then leave it on my teeth for the night so the bacteria don't have a party on the few teeth I have left. Now can you swab the inside of my mouth? And my lips, don't forget them. Do I have water by my side? The dry mouth spray? Regular eye drops? Lip balm? Okay, time for the gel drops. Remember, once they go in, I can't see another thing.
Wait, which finger, exactly, are you holding up there missy?