Thursday, November 27, 2008

Conversations with my teenage daughters The day before Thanksgiving. . . . perhaps an ordinary day for you, but I thought it's a perfect time to give you an idea of what life is like in the trenches of motherhood of teens. Hint: Grab a cup of coffee - you'll be here a while. . . . but it's worth it to read through to the end.

7:10 a.m. Phone call to #2 because she didn't respond when I yelled to her from my bed: I inform her that - knowing she had a half-day of school - I scheduled a doctor's appointment for her at 2:00 p.m. What? I'm going to the movies after school! You better cancel that!
Result: Hang up.

10:42 a.m. Phone call from #1: She informs me that she's stuck in terrible Thanksgiving traffic, just needs to swing by a different college to pick up new boyfriend and then she'll be home. I tell her to drive carefully and ask her to call when she's close. She promises she will.
Result: Empty promise.

12:43 p.m. Phone call from Visa: Representative informs me I'm late on a credit card bill. That card? I haven't used that card in months. . . in fact my daughter has it with her at college.
Result: Bank account is $500 poorer.

2:06 p.m. - Text from #2: Going to movies. I text back "K"
Result: I don't have the time it takes to find all those other letters about when she will be home and her appointment is now at 6:30 - let's face it, I'm happy I found the "K" - and I decide to talk to her later.

4:15 p.m. - Call to #1 placed from the grocery store: Are you not home yet??? Oh, well it turns out new boyfriend had a doctor's appointment and she's sitting with him while he gets an M.R.I. Will be home soon. She promises.
Result: More empty promises.

4:20 p.m. - Conversation between a random mother and daughter overheard while standing in the check-out line of the grocery store: Daughter is thanking mother for some thoughtful thing she did and gives mom a kiss on the cheek.
Result: I fight back a wave of self-pity big enough to destroy the eastern seaboard.

4:32 p.m. - Face to Face with #2 who has arrived home two minutes after I do: She wants to go to Kimmie's. I inform her of her doctor's appointment. She doesn't want to go. I tell her she can't leave for Kimmie's until she cleans her room. Nice try mother, there's only like 8 sweatshirts behind the bed she'll do it quickly.
Result: She shoves sweatshirts into a drawer and leaves.

4:33 p.m. - I'm on a roll so - why not - I call #3 (a party not heard from all day) Where are you and when are you coming home? I inform her that - no - sister #1 has not arrived home yet and she informs me that she sees no reason to leave Suzie's house yet and promises to call me shortly.
Result: Another empty promise.

6:15 p.m. - Face to face with #2: She needs money for gas. Gets it from my wallet and heads off to the doctor.
Result: Wallet is $60 poorer.

6:35 p.m. - Phone call to #3: I inform her that my husband is on his way home from work and will swing by to pick her up at Kimmie's. No, neither of your sisters are home. Well, someone has to be the first! Because I said so!
Result: I hang up on her.

6:36 p.m. - Phone call from #3.
Result: I hit the ignore button

6:36 p.m - Another call from #3.
Result: Ignore button

6:36 p.m. - You guessed it!
Result: Could she really be this obstinate? Ignore! Ignore! Ignore!

6:52 p.m. - Face to face with #3: Why didn't you answer your phone?
Result: Ignore!

6:55 p.m. - Face to face with #1: Yes, she's finally home, but she's in a hurry. . . has to go out tonight.
Result: Her phone rings and she heads to her room.

7:43 p.m. - Family dinner:
Result: Who knew that 500 text messages could be sent and received by three daughters from one kitchen table in the span of 15 minutes?

8:15 p.m. - Face to face with #1: Daughter #2 is driving her to the bars. Who knows how she'll get home. She can't wait to see that bouncer who took away her fake i.d. over the summer. For once in her life daughter doesn't ask for money. She thinks $15 and her looks will get her the night out. I tell her to be careful and to let me know when she's home.
Result: I make an mental note to question her about that fake i.d. I'm sure one of her sisters will pay her big bucks for that.

8:45 p.m. - Face to face with #3 when #2 returns to pick her up to take her back to Kimmie's before going to Suzie's herself: Remember, you both have a curfew of 12:00. Wake me up when you get home.
Result: I pour another glass of wine, pass the baton (a.k.a. my cell phone) over to my husband, and call it a night.

10:43 p.m. - Call from #2 taken by father: Yes, you can sleep at Suzie's house tonight.
Result: I'm highly suspicious, but return to sleep.

1:22 a.m. - Call from #1 taken by father because I can't find the "talk" button on the phone in the dark: Yes, you can sleep at Kellie's.
Result: I'm too out of it to care.

1:23 a.m. - Face to face with husband: #1 did come home, didn't she?
Result: She did - which leaves me just two beds to choose from in my Goldilocks bed search. I quickly decide on bed #2 because I haven't slept there in a while and it's "just right."

Happy Turkey Day!