You might think that - because I have been a mother to teenage girls for many-a-year now - I would have seen it all.
But let me introduce you to a recent discovery. . .
It's called Tap-Tap Make-Up.
I'm not sure exactly where it is sold. . . more than likely it comes from one of those expensive stores in The Mall (you know the one I'm talking about . . . the one where Morticia Adams sells the products.)
I first became acquainted with Tap-Tap Make-Up this past summer when my time-challenged-college-aged-daughter was living at home and struggling to make an early train into the city each morning. And so, on the mornings I lost the coin toss with my husband on who was to drive her to the station, I began to hear a strange sort of tapping from the passenger seat as I drove like Evil Knievel to get her to her train on time.
At first I thought the noise stemmed from my daughter's impatience with my driving skills (the mere fact that she leaned on my horn to insult other drivers for me should give you a small idea why I would have surmised this) but, no, before long I realized that the Tapping noise was associated with applying makeup. Only after she Tap-Tapped on the bottom of the jar with the tail end of the makeup brush, would she apply the makeup.
Strange habit, I thought. . . and put all of that annoying Tap-Tapping out of my mind when she returned to college in the fall.
But, before long, that sound started to enter into my sleep . . . or perhaps it was my dreams. . . . whatever, it emerged in those crazy early morning half sleeping-half-waking moments of consciousness: Tap-Tap! And it wasn't a slow, sleepy, drawn-out sound like . . . . T a a a a p . . . . T a a a a p p p. . .
No, it was a quick staccato sound: Tap-Tap!
Am I going crazy?
And then it hit me . . . .Daughter Number Two has purchased the Tap-Tap Make-Up!
And so, each morning as I lie in my bed awaiting their departure for school, I am now serenadaded by the beautiful sounds of Tap-Tap Make-Up mixed in with my daughters' fighting:
Daughter #3: Knock-Knock! on the bathroom door: Where are my Uggs?
Daughter # 2: Tap-Tap! I told you. I don't know where they are!
Daugther #3: But you wore them yesterday and I told you to wear socks with them because your feet smell disgusting and now I'll probably have to make Mom buy me a new pair.
Daughter #2: No, Tap-Tap-Tap-Tap! You're the one with the smelly feet! And what about my shirt you stole off of my Tap-Tap! floor without asking? I hadn't even worn it yet!
Daughter #3: Are you kidding? That shirt already smelled! And you're late as usual! Hurry up!
Daughter #2: I'm ready! Tap-Tap! Honestly! Tap-Tap! Let me just grab your Uggs!