My Dearest Daughter,
Remember how I promised to notify you if anything went awry on the homefront while you were away?
Well, I fear that you had better hurry home quickly.
Perhaps you should hop on the next flight home. . . perhaps you should find a Guatemalan guide who would like to escort you to the U.S. . . . or perhaps you should hitchhike through Mexico and most of the lower 48 states. . . whatever it takes, just do it!!!
For I fear, my dear, that you will have no clothing left to your name if you do not.
Now usually when you leave us, you take all seasonal-appropriate clothing with you. This time, however, you have let for a warmer climate, leaving all of your winter clothing behind. Your sisters, it seems, have returned to their hunter/gatherer roots and taken this opportunity to snatch anything that is not nailed down! Like piranha, they have rifled through your closet, your dresser drawers, and yes - even your laundry hamper - stripping them clean of any and all clothing that looks like it might fit them. When I asked them to stop, they simply quipped, Why, this is our chance to get her back! She steals everything from us!!!!
I need to go on record here. . . I cannot protect your clothing anymore! Hurry home!
Your Loving Mother
p.s. Love those new boots you got before your left. I never realized that your feet were the same size as mine!!!!!