Sunday, January 11, 2009

Bathroom Etiquette - Part one

I realized just the other day that much of my family's current dysfunction centers around one room of the house - the room that is, indeed, the essence of most things teenager. . . the heartbeat of her world. . . the battleground of sisterhood . . . and, quite simply, the bane of my existence. For the cleaning, care, and maintenance of that one room is the source of more aggravation, heartache, and frustration than any other room in my house. As a result, I have decided to dedicate this blogging week to posting an extensive list of Bathroom Etiquette for my three lovely daughters.

And so, without further adieu, let's get down to business . .

A Mom on Spin's Bathroom Etiquette as it pertains to the "Toilette"
(a.k.a. the cat's water bowl)
  1. When the toilet paper roll gets down to the brown stuff, you simply have to reach into the closet and install another roll.

  2. For all those who claim to not know how! to change the roll, installation instructions will be given on the first and third Mondays of the month throughout the year 2009.

  3. If (who am I kidding??? When) you use the facial tissues instead of changing the roll, it's okay to flush them down the toilet. You need not collect the tissues in the bathroom trash receptacle. (My God! That child goes through this house leaving a path of mess and destruction in her wake, and suddenly she's worried about the delicate plumbing system?????)

  4. When all of the tissues from the box on top of the toilet are gone, then you really must reach into the closet and pull out a roll of toilet paper. I know it's easier to pull out another box of tissues, but I beg you . . . Don't do it!!!!

  5. Even the best attempts at balancing the new roll on top of the empty roll will not work. You must attend the installation training session.

  6. If you see little paw prints on the toilet seat, that's okay. You know the cat's a tad finicky and will only drink the "Eau de Toilette"!

  7. If you leave a water bottle full of vinegar on the back of the toilet, your mother will unscrew the cap and sniff it (like she does every other water bottle she encounters in the house) and think What kind of God-forsaken thing are these girls up to now????

  8. If, you reply to her It's for my bladder infection. . . I told you, Mom! she'll be highly suspicious and run to verify your homeopathic remedy on google.

  9. If, by chance, you hear a funny trickling sound about five minutes after you have flushed the toilet, please re-enter the bathroom to verify that the "Eau de Toilette" isn't running over the edge of said "Toilette".

  10. And if, when doing so, you discover water everywhere, make sure you place that panicked phone call to your father, NOT ME!!!!

Until tomorrow, my friends. . . .