Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Show me the money!

Do you remember the other day when I mentioned that my third daughter is a smooth operator? Well, let me tell you, Bernard Madoff and his Ponzi scheme look like child's play compared with the money this child bilks from me! (As a matter of fact, I've given her a new name. . . let's just call her Ponzi Girl from now on!!!)

So last Saturday morning Ponzi Girl woke up yelling, Mom! Mom! Quickly I rushed to her room . . .

Me: What is it???

Ponzi: Quick! I need your credit card! Tickets for Dave Matthews just went on sale and already you can only buy them one at a time.

Me: But you're still grounded from concerts! You know I haven't finished paying all of the emergency room bills from the last one. . . .

Ponzi: No, this concert's not until April! You said I couldn't go to any more concerts for six months. . . my six months is up in February! Quick! I just need one ticket!!!!

Later that Morning

Me: Can I have my credit card back now?

Ponzi: Sure! And by the way, I bought three tickets. Amy and Suzie needed one too.

Me: So let me get this straight. . . instead of spending $70 on one ticket, you just spent $210 on three???

Ponzi again: What are you freaking out about, Mom? They'll pay me back!!!

Me: That's exactly it! They'll pay you back, but I'll never see a cent of that money!!!

Then later in the day, my middle daughter quipped . . .

Trigger Finger Girl: Mom! you owe me $120.

Me: I didn't borrow any money from you. (For once!!!)

Trigger: But it's for the stuff I had to pay for.

Me: What kind of stuff?

Trigger: Well, there that $40 from the shampoo we got. . .

Me: $40??? What kind of shampoo did you get???

Trigger: I don't know Ponzi Girl picked it out.

Me: Oh. . .

Trigger: And then there's that other $40 she borrowed from me but told me you would give me the cash back because she has a check from babysitting.

Me: Haven't I told you before never to believe a word Ponzi says??? That's the third time she's spent that check! She sold it once to your father. . . another time to me . . . and now she's sold it again to you!!!!

Trigger: And then there's the other $40. . . you know, the $40 I had to spend to replace those boots I borrowed from her on New Year's Eve. She said I ruined them, but Dad got all of the stains out and now she won't even let me wear the old ones!!!

Me: Weren't the old ones purple and the new ones grey???

Trigger: Yes. . .

Me: So now, thanks to you, Ponzi Girl has two perfectly good pairs of boots and won't let you wear either pair?

Trigger: You know what it's like to live with her! I had to do it, Mom! She was making my life miserable!

Me: Yeah, you're right . . . I understand. . . but I'll only give you twenty. That's $100 even. . . but I expect you to be smarter next time!

Trigger: Thanks, Mom!

And so, for once, Trigger Finger Girl walks happily away

from a conversation with her mother until. . .

Trigger: Oh, and I forgot. . .

Me: Yes?

Trigger: Someone stole $20 from my wallet and it had to be Ponzi so I need you to give that to me too!