Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Those aren't those little tanning goggles, they're sticky boobs!

As long as we're concentrating on lingerie this week, here's another post to get you all riled up . . .

Dear Mr. (or perhaps Mrs.) Owner of Nu Bra, Inc;

Just last week I spent another $64 on two pairs of your company's sticky boobs. That's right, you heard me correctly! $64 for just four boobs!!!

Now I am not a sticky boob virgin. I have been a reluctant purchaser of countless "sets" of your boobs before, and it kills me that your stickiness has some sort of "shelf" life . . . a finite number of applications. . . a limited relationship with my daughters' mammary glands (so-to-speak.)

Do you realize that your stinginess with your stickiness can severely affect the budget of a mother of three teenage girls and disrupt the idyllic peacefulness of her family's home?

You see, I don't think it's fair that I am responsible for buying new boobs over and over again for each one of my daughters - and so they are left with no choice but to swipe each other's boobs when their own "set" has become obsolete.

Now I ask you. . . Could you not sell some sort of supplemental adhesive to go with your boobs???? And if you don't have a factory-approved adhesive, do you think I can try some Elmer's or Rubber Cement??? (Come to think of it. . . Superglue may be just the trick here, because then my daughters would no longer be able steal each others' boobs - seeing that they'd be all-but-surgically attached to the rightful owner!)

I realize that - because I am writing this correspondence to you in the dead of winter - you're probably thinking. . . Why would you care about a thing like sticky boobs (okay, you call them adhesive breast forms) in January???? Aren't her daughters all covered up in the winter months????

No, Mr. (or perhaps, Mrs.) President of Nu Bra, Inc. . . . I'm ashamed to admit to you that there isn't a temperature cold enough to keep my daughters decent on a weekend night!!!

And so I am applying to your sense of fairness here. . . .

Do you want to continue to be the source of many-a-family's discontent? Do you want your precious adhesive breast forms to become mis-shapen and torn from countless family squabbles and cat fights? Or do you want Peace on Earth, and good will toward Women???

I thought so!!!

With all good wishes on your new endeavor
in the sticky thong department (Ouch!) I remain . . .

Oh! And another thing. . . when you do develop that extra adhesive, can you make sure it's saliva-proof??? For some inexplicable reason our dog loves to carry your boobs around in her mouth!