As you all know - due to what I knew would be the PERFECT storm of my boss and all co-workers in my vicinity being out of the office - I had declared yesterday an official blogging day at work.And then I had the extreme good luck of seeing the children of the PERFECT COATED ONE (like that name? Fhina gave it to her) misbehaving at the bus stop on my way to work.
And so I donned my blogging boots and sat down at my desk. . . but just how many people do you think tried to throw water on my PERFECT parade???? Let's recap the day. . . shall we?
- Well, first there was Fannie Dae Kell - straight out of the hospital with her discharge papers - and, while I did approve a prescription for an antibiotic and handed her $40 in food cards, I didn't reach into my pocket to give her any of my own cash. . . . and I considered that PERFECT!
- And then there were a rapid succession of potential hoodwinkers coming to us (the nearest church) to try to scam us out of money for "transportation" to some sudden "vital" appointment . . . but a few simple verification phone calls sent them packing. Don't you know that the bookkeeper and I can sniff out a lie better than a German Shepherd? We're mothers for God's sake!. . . . And although my boss probably would have handed over the train fare without blinking an eye - the fact that I caught a scammer who had told a lie. . . qualifies as PLUPERFECT! to me. (That's french people. . . or perhaps it's Latin. . . whatever, it really is the pluperfect tense. . .I looked it up! Honest!)
- Next, there was the phone call from the local mortician, that - thankfully - did not involve another funeral for me to work on (she just calls sometimes to scare me) . . . and I guess - in some sort of sick way - you could call that PERFECT!
- And then there were the people who called and actually expected me work (like on weddings or baptisms and silly things like that.) Did they not understand that I had declared it an official Blogging Day??? I was gracious enough to take a call from Friday's widow (you know what I mean. . . the widow of the deceased whose funeral we will have on Friday) but I let the rest of those sacramental silllies stay in my voicemail. . . and that was PERFECT. . . well, it was great for me - I don't quite know how the rest of the world felt about it . . .
- At let us not forget the predictable What's for dinner? call from Ponzi at about 4:00 p.m. . . . paired with the There isn't a thing in this house to eat! declaration, and - while you could never call that PERFECT - in the spirit of the day, I made an exception and called it ACCEPTABLE for one day only.
- And then came my arrival home. . . with countless bags of groceries . . . to an empty house. . . with both front and back doors wide open . . . and empty iced-latte cups and a bag of pretzels on the kitchen table. . . but, thanks only to the valiant efforts of my PERFECT dog, the house was un-robbed, so I swallowed hard and called that NOT IMPERFECT!
- And soon my daughters arrived on the scene with sewn eyebrows. . . . correction . . . threaded eyebrows . . . . that they thought were PERFECT. And, although I never asked how they paid for all that fancy needlework, all signs pointed back at me - and I was doing my best to keep my mood PERFECT.
- Until I had to write a check for Trigger's airfare to Florida for her Spring "Break" (Yes, life is tough for her, my friends, she needs a break - don't you think????) And then she left to go spend the night at a friend's house. . . to keep her company. . . on a school night. . .when her parents weren't home. . . for - after all - I let Ponzi do that just last week!
If my life were perfect, would I not - then - be like the Perfect Coated One???? And I would really want to be like her????
p.s. I think my ice dispenser is constipated. . . How could my life ever be perfect when my freezer is all stopped up??? Do you I need to make some prune juice cubes????
Just wondering. . .
