Bliss. . . love-handler!
And - thinking it was some sort of slimy and perverted sex product that my seventeen-year-old daughter had no business owning or knowing about- I picked up the bottle and read:
liquid workout for lazy abdominals
with caffeine and lipid-release boosters.
and because my not-too-far-from-fifty-year-old eyes couldn't read the rest of the small print on the lovehandler bottle, I googled it:
Want to whittle your wiggly waist, tone tummy pudge and keep back fat at bay? Wage war on those not-so-hard 'core' areas with this genius gel, formulated for extended 8-hour caffeine release. With cooling mint oil and naturally-derived amino acid ingredients.
Now the question you've all been waiting for. . .
What the hell do these girls do with the stuff? Do they sniff it? Apply it? Ingest it? (I'm not kidding here people! You give my daughters any product that boasts of caffeine, and they'll be asking for an extra shot and putting a straw in it. . . ) Do I not hand over enough of my paycheck at Starbucks already that my daughter (a.k.a.. . . me!) now has to spend $36 on caffeine for her non-existent back fat?????? Cause . . . you know . . . it came from me. Even if she never specifically asked for $36 to purchase a Love-Handle Lapachino, I paid for that bottle in some way, shape, or form. . .
Plus, there's the obvious. . .
Now, I don't know about you, but when I think of love handles, my mind wanders to images like this:
not this. . .
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!
What will they think of next for my daughters to go out and spend my hard-earned money on? A champagne pedicure? A vodka facial???? Some Sushi tanning oil???
You tell me. . . cause I've given up. . .