Wednesday, June 3, 2009

One Morning a Week (It's Like Parent Abuse)

Braja and Amy haven't asked me to participate in their One Morning a Week exchange. . . but they should.

'Cause I could show them what each of them has mericfully avoided - Braja, all peaceful and serene in her Indian village . . . and Amy, all busy in the throes of raising her three young sons.

So I'm barging in - just for today - to show them what my morning was like yesterday (If they want contrast, I'll show them contrast. . . ) and someday in the future, they just might thank me for it.

Oh, and if any of you want to take the role of Me in this one, go right ahead. . .


I was sound asleep in my Goldilocks bed at 6:45 a.m.- after battling a long, nomadic, and sleepless night - only to be awakened by Trigger's revelrie. . . .

Trigger: Mom or Dad?

Me: (all croaky morning voicey) Yes?

Trigger: Mom or Dad?

Me: (still croaky - cause, remember, I've been sick. . . ) Yes?

Trigger: MOM or DAD!!!!

Me: Trigg! You don't have to be so loud. I was trying to answer you!

Trigger: Well, I have to be that loud 'cause you're both like practically deaf!

Me: What is so important that you need to wake me up at this time in the morning?

Trigger: I need $75 for my Prom bid.

Me: Is your room picked-up yet? The cleaners are coming today and you promised you'd have it ready by 10:00 last night.

Trigger: But I need the money.

Me: You'll get it when your room is clean.

and so I drift peacefully back to sleep only to be awakened again ten minutes later. . .

Trigger: My room's clean, now where's the money?

Me: I'll get up and get it in a minute

Trigger: You said I'd have it when my room is clean. My room is clean now and I don't have it.

Me: I said You'll get it when your room is clean, not, You'll have it the second your room is clean. . . give me a minute! You're not walking out the door right this moment are you?

Trigger: No, but it like practically takes you ten minutes just to write a check. . .

Me: Shut up!

Trigger: Are you saying Shut up! to your own daughter? That's real grown-up, Mom!

Will someone please promise me something?

When I really do get old and I'm like practically deaf and I start moving a wee-bit slower and it might take me like ten minutes to write a check . . . .can you see to it that I'm never left alone in a room with Trigger? 'Cause I just might strangle her, but it will probably take me like a half-hour to do it! and she might get to me first!