So this is the day God's been waiting for. . . the one when he can take a break from the responsibilities of being Omnipresent and let people from around the globe travel here to state their sins - all in one place! How easy is that?
While last week's sin was what you may have called, Not keeping Holy the Sabbath. . .this week's sin is pure and simple, Gluttony!
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Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It's been exactly one week since my last confession.
And you see. . . Father. . . it's really not a terrible sin . . . it's kind of like a little misdemeanor. . . but the other day. . .well. . . you know that Mrs. Fozzi who makes all those delicious lemon squares. . . well, she dropped a plate of them off for you and the other priests in the rectory . . . I think it was right around lunchtime. . . yeah! That was it! . . . It was right around lunchtime and I was starving. . . and so, anyhoo. . . first they were there. . . and the next thing you know they were all gone. . . so I need you to call her and thank her like you usually do. . . but this time you need to kind of pretend that you had one. . .'cause I ate them all . . . It's not like I'm asking you to lie or anything. . . you just need to tell her they were delicious. . . and they were!. . . you can take my word for it. . . the crust was perfect. . . and the lemon filling? To die for!. . . and the way she sprinkled that confectioner's sugar on the top in those little designs? Heavenly!. . . so you see. . . you really wouldn't be lying, per se. . . although in truth, it might be considered a small sin of omission. . .but you couldn't help it. . . I omitted you from eating them!. . . . it's like yours would be a tiny-mini-misdemeanor. . . and besides. . . can't priests just forgive themselves anyway???
The end.
And you see. . . Father. . . it's really not a terrible sin . . . it's kind of like a little misdemeanor. . . but the other day. . .well. . . you know that Mrs. Fozzi who makes all those delicious lemon squares. . . well, she dropped a plate of them off for you and the other priests in the rectory . . . I think it was right around lunchtime. . . yeah! That was it! . . . It was right around lunchtime and I was starving. . . and so, anyhoo. . . first they were there. . . and the next thing you know they were all gone. . . so I need you to call her and thank her like you usually do. . . but this time you need to kind of pretend that you had one. . .'cause I ate them all . . . It's not like I'm asking you to lie or anything. . . you just need to tell her they were delicious. . . and they were!. . . you can take my word for it. . . the crust was perfect. . . and the lemon filling? To die for!. . . and the way she sprinkled that confectioner's sugar on the top in those little designs? Heavenly!. . . so you see. . . you really wouldn't be lying, per se. . . although in truth, it might be considered a small sin of omission. . .but you couldn't help it. . . I omitted you from eating them!. . . . it's like yours would be a tiny-mini-misdemeanor. . . and besides. . . can't priests just forgive themselves anyway???
The end.
What are you waiting for? Nobody's perfect! Grab your button, state your sins, and let Mr. Linky determine your place in the line for the confessional . . .
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