I am very sorry to be phoning on what I'm sure must be a big day for you. I admit I don't know much a Judaism, but - if Jewish guilt is anything like Catholic guilt - folks must be flocking to you in droves on the Day of Atonement.
But never-the-less, I have an urgent little matter to discuss with you.
I fear that I may have single-handedly disrupted the circle of life.
As you know, I have been serving as The Grim Reaper's useful sidekick (Funerals R Me) for close to four years now. And never before have we had a dry spell like this. A week without a funeral? Perhaps. Two weeks? Maybe once or twice. . . But two whole months without a funeral??? Unheard of!
And somehow last night during my sleepless Goldilocks-bed-hopping escapade, it hit me!
I told people not to die! Right here on this blog. I told them not to die because I was going on vacation at the end of July.
And no one has died since!
You know how you often hear from the hospice folks that sometimes you have to give people permission to die??? Well God? Can you tell them that they didn't really need to stretch their expiration dates that far? I really didn't mean to upset the celestial apple cart. . . or disrupt the natural life/death flow. . . I just wanted a peaceful vacation. . .