Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Wait! Who's That Tapping?

I never thought I'd do it.

Didn't think I'd fall prey.

Never, in a million years, did I dream I'd be tap-tapping in the morning.  And sometimes in the afternoon.  And again before I go out at night.   And - come to think of it - I must have been waaaaaaay more worried about turning 50 than I ever thought I was.

Listen to the conversation I had with Ponzi just about a month ago. . . a few days before my birthday. . .


Me:  You know that make-up you left in the bathroom the other day?

Ponzi:  Yeah?   Because, believe it or not, ever since Trigger's departure (yes, Trigger - remember her?) anything left on the bathroom counter is a memorable experience. . .

Me:  Well I tried it, and I actually kind of liked it.   Did that come from one of those stores in The Mall?  You know. . ."The" Mall I won't go into?

Ponzi:  Yeah Mom, it's the tap-tap make-up you always make fun of.  It's from Sephora's.

Me:  Well can you go there. . . and get some for me. . . like in disguise?

Ponzi:  Yeah, I'll get you a starter kit for your skin tone.  It'll be my birthday present to you.  Only you'll pay for it!

Me:  How much will that be?

Ponzi:  Oh, not much . . . . like $50 or $60 or something.

Me:  Well, that's quite a present to myself. . .  but a lady only turns 50 once. . .and goodness knows your sisters won't be buying me anything. . . but Ponz?

Ponzi:  Yes?

Me: Tell those make-up Nazi's in the store you're buying it for your sister.  Whatever you do, don't tell them it's for your 50-year-old mother, 'cause then they'll either laugh you out of the store, or try to talk you into buying all kinds of other stuff. . . . like . . . . for old ladies.   I don't look like an old lady, do I?

Ponzi:  No, Mom, of course you don't.

Me:  Good. . . that's why I had you. . . . now hurry up and run along to The Mall so I can tap-tap tonight before I go out. . . 

oh. . . and the starter kit came with a dvd.  What sort of numskull would give a dvd to an old lady, who - very clearly - can't operate her family's entertainment system without the help of a teenage daughter?  And, furthermore, what kind of self-respecting female needs a dvd to show them how to apply a little makeup?  WTF???