Monday, December 7, 2009

Houston, We Have a Problem. . . of the coat kind . . .

If there's one thing I try to teach my daughters, it's how to be a good listener.

Take note of the following two problems which cropped up this past weekend and my astute attempt to zero in on what really matters.


Ponzi:  Mom, I think we have a bit of a problem. . .

Me:  A problem?  What is it?

Ponzi:  Well I went to that concert on Friday night. . . and I had my coat with me. . .you know. . . my black Northface. . .  and they made me check it. . .  like to prove I didn't have any booze with me or anything like that .  .and I gave Kathy my coat check ticket and she lost it. . .  just like she did last week. . .and I had to wait until the firemen said it was alright to come back in . . . you know. .  .after the fire alarm that we all thought was part of the show. . .  and they made me wait 'til everyone else claimed their coats. . .  and someone had taken my coat and it had your $30 in it and my train ticket home. . . and my school I.D. and perhaps my driver's license. . . I'm not really sure about that one. . .  but somebody else left their black Northface and I took that one instead . . . and the good news is that . . . remember how you made me buy a child's XL 'cause the ladies' "small" was like fifty bucks more???. . . well. . .  this coat is a ladies's "small". .  .so I think we made out on the deal!

Me:  Oh my God, Ponzi! You brought an unknown coat home from New York City?  You better put in in the washer right away! You never know where a coat like that has been!

Which was quickly followed by this phone conversation on Sunday afternoon. . .

Trigger:   Mom!  We have a problem!

Me:  We do???  What is it?

Trigger:   Well you see . . .  Last night I was at a Frat party. . . you know . . . and I had my coat. . . my black Northface. . . cause I told you we practically had like a blizzard. . .  well I left my coat in Kimmie's bedroom and when I went back to get it at the end of the night it wasn't there.

Me:  Tell me. . .  what size was that coat?  Was it a child's XL????

Trigger:  Mom!  Did you hear me?  Do you know what was in my coat?  My wallet!   My ATM card!! My student I.D.!!!   My PHONE!!!!

Me:  Were there any firefighters there?

Trigger:  Do you not even care?   This is serious!  Do you even know what this means?

Me:  What does this mean?

Trigger:  I don't have any money!  I can't talk to anyone!   I can't eat!  Aren't you worried that someone is using my ATM card???

Me:   What?  And withdrawing the grand total of $25 you begged me to put in your account yesterday?  I'll just transfer it back to my account.

Trigger:  But they could overdraw!

Me: Oh yes!  I vaguely remember your sister doing that just last week. . .  I tell you what. . .  go steal someone else's Northface, get yourself a new student I.D., and eat in the dining hall until you come home for Christmas break.

Me (again):  And Trig?

Trigger:  Yes?

Me:  Make sure your new coat is a ladies' "small" and don't forget to you wash it right away.  You never know where a coat like that has been. .  . but check the pockets first. . .  there may be something good in there. .  .