Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Setting the Record Straight

So, as you might imagine with Christmas right around the corner, tensions in A Mom on Spin's household are running at an all-time high.  And because I've recently been accused of Never being clear about anything, Mom!  I wish to set the record straight and make the following points crystal clear to all those who live in this household with me. . .

  1. I have not. . . will not. . . nor will I ever. . . spend $178 on boots for myself.  Why, then, would I compound the agony of purchasing them for someone else by stepping foot in The Dreaded Mall?  If I must violate my own principles in the boot department, the very least you can do is take my debit card to The Mall yourself.  Either one of you.  Because, in total, I have now committed to spending $356.  In boots.  I think I may throw up.
  2. And while we're on the subject of The Mall, I don't like the make-up nazis  (oh, I'm sorry. . . was I supposed to call them "artistes"???) in those stores.  You can tap-tap your own booties there and buy your over-priced make-up yourself.
  3. Only those who are gainfully employed deserve to own a Blackberry.
  4. Claiming you have a birthday four days after Christmas does not allow you to collateralize birthday money to fund future Blackberry data plans.  The rest of your extended family is just not that generous.  Trust me.
  5. In case your haven't noticed, gift giving is often a two-way street.  If anyone is interested, I have a very practical wish list of my own. Asking for it just may earn you some brownie points.
  6. Despite what you may say, I have never told anyone anything Like sixteen thousand times!
  7. I know better than to throw away the Christmas card from your boss and his wife.  In your freakish 7:00 a.m. frenzy to find that card, I may have unwittingly misdirected you as to its ultimate whereabouts, but I never would have thrown it away.
  8. Just hearing someone finally admit that You're the only one who ever puts anything away in this house, Liz! makes me feel strangely validated. . . even if it was quickly followed by any accusation of carelessly tossing an oh-so-important item away.
  9. Saving bags of kitchen garbage to be fished through in a desperate search for a missing Christmas card may make one feel like he's the master of the house, but finding that card in a place earlier suggested by you after the the "master" has left for work feels a heck-of-a lot better than that!