A Love Letter to My Little Sugar of Plums, Aunt Becky
Permit me to introduce myself. I am Pepe le Pew, your lover.
A Mom on Spin has whispered sweet nothings in my ear about your attempt to you-know-what the search engine page of you-know-who on the internet . . .and how you told your six million Pranksters to go forth and do the same to other celebrities. Now, while you were waiting on the world to change, our little Spinster quickly decided to set her sights on yours truly to see if she could play the same prank on Ze Engine of Pepe.
Now I ask you.. . . is there but one of your Pranksters who could resist . . . how do you say it . . . Revving ze Engine of Pepe?
No. Of course not.
But then . . . merde!
Now let me just tell you that A Mom on Spin does not always deal with a full dock (if you catch the fish of my drift) and did not realize that Warner Brothers already owned the stripe on my back. Nor did that silly girl realize that ze letter "le" did not count as a middle initial. And so, Tante Becky, it was nearly impossible for our little Spinning Machine to climb aboard the Pepe search engine ladder.
But even worse, our Spin Mom was appalled to discover zat I - your little bucket of love - had jumped ahead of Aunt Becky on the you-know-who search page. Let me reassure you - my little ack, ack, ack of love - ze Spin Mom did not intend to climb ze search engine page of you-know-who. She only intended to climb ze page of Pepe. Never, in a million of years, did she dream that she - like you - was also climbing on the search page of you-know-who. She knew that engine belonged to you, Aunt Becky, solely to you.
And now zat little washer woman is running away from me faster than ze corned beef runs away from ze cabbage. In fact, she told me she was about to run through the halls of her high school and scream at the top of her lungs . . .
Sacre Maroon! (five)
I fear I may have overstoked ze furnace of love once again!
But I am a creamy puff, no?
It eees like zis you see, my melon baby collie . . .
When Pepe le Pew sets his mind to somezing, his heart follows with a little pitter-pat. And when Pepe's heart eees on fire, zere eees no telling what may happen. For ees there anyone else who can rev engines quite like Pepe le Pew?
No, zere eees not.
And when you play with ze engine of love, Aunt Becky, you must be prepared to pay ze fiddler.
And now, speaking of fiddlers, I must go and find out what zis "Pew" means every time I appear.
So my little peanut of brittles, I hope you will accept my apology sincerest for being so. . . so. . . well so Pepe-ish yesterday. I am stupid sometimes, no?
If you ever visit Gay Parie please meet me for a boat ride in the lover of tunnels. I will be ze captain and you, Aunt Becky, will be ze first mate. Promotions will follow quickly. For ze arms of Pepe le Pew are upon you now, Aunt Becky, and when ze arms of Pepe are upon you, zere eees no escaping. Especially if your body eees a wonderland.
Until then. . .
Sweeting is such part sorrow
p.s. And one more zing. . . . why do you Want Vodka all the time? Do you not know that cold champagne will warm your heart much faster? Or drink ze wine from ze box! Zen . . . when you are finished, you get to squeeze ze udder!
And remember, my Aunt of Beckys, it eees like I always say. . . All eees love, in fair and war!