Friday, October 22, 2010

The Reports of My Apology Are Greatly Exaggerated

Just wanted to let you all know that I have made amends with Trigger since I last posted about our disagreement over Facebook. (Not that we were disagreeing about Facebook, mind you.  We were - instead - "voicing" our displeasure with each other through Facebook.)

The other night I got this terrific pain in the side of my head that jolted through me like a dose of Nurse Ratched's electric shock therapy.  And I thought to myself,  Oh here it is at last. . . my untimely demise!

But then I thought, Wait!  How can I possibly die now when my very own daughter thinks I'm mad at her for dropping that class without consulting me?  How will she live with herself after having said all those awful things about me only caring about her G.P.A.? And money? And how hard I work to pay for that college education?

And so, in order to rid my daughter of the guilt-ridden grief that would inevitably ensue, I decided that I would pick up the phone and apologize to her.  Better to think that her mother had reached out to her with her last dying breath than to keel over for good without making amends.  Right?  And who could say whether I was going to be able to send her messages from the afterlife?  I may be too busy playing bridge with the angels, or using the clouds as a trampoline, or doing all of that bowling required to make thunder.  The poor thing just might be scarred for life!

I simply had no guarantee that the lines of communication would be open for me to set her mind at ease once I was gone, so I picked up the phone and called her. . .

But, just as quickly as that searing pain arrived, it disappeared again (even, in fact, before Trigger answered her phone) and so I was left with a bit of a dilemma:  Since my untimely death did not quite seem so imminent any longer, should I still apologize to her?  Could I, perhaps, take my sweet old time and give Trigger the opportunity to apologize to me instead?  Or should I hang up and simply send her a Facebook message?

Let me just add for the record that Trigger ended up being the only one who "Liked" my last link on Facebook. .  .