I know that you're usually the one composing letters to those in charge, but please allow me the liberty of taking a page from your book (so-to-speak) and writing this letter to you.
You see, there's something very important I need to call to your attention.
As I recall, you and Drip Dry moved into this house right before Veggie came tumbling onto this earth. And if my memory serves me correctly, that was somewhere around 24 years ago.
Yes, for 24 years you and I have co-habitated without so much as a cross word between us.
I've also seen the birth of both Trigger and Ponzi. . . I've witnessed those three adorable girls grow with each passing year and I've overseen their comings-and-goings (sometimes even more than you, I dare say. . .) I've been proud of their accomplishments and sad when they misbehaved. I, too, shuddered when they got their driver's licenses. I, too, waved them off to college from the driveway.
But I need to tell you something.
I'M MAD AS HELL AND I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
The hours that Trigger and Ponzi keep now that they're home for the summer would make any decent opener cringe with apprehension! What are they doing 'til all hours of the morning?
Trigger leaves early in the morning and rolls in at 3 or 4. . . a.m.!!!
Ponzi leaves in the early evening and many nights doesn't even return home!
Now I ask you. . . How's a respectable door to get some rest???
I'm not getting any younger (I notice that the same holds true for you) and I need my beauty sleep. but THESE GIRLS ARE WEARING ME OUT!!!
Please tell me. . . WHEN, OH WHEN, WILL THEY BE RETURNING TO THEIR RESPECTIVE COLLEGES?
'Cause I need things to return to their nice, quiet "normal" around here.
Respectfully submitted to