Sunday, March 12, 2017

I Know that God Didn't Invent Tai Chi Regalia

I'm sure by now we all are aware of the time a restorative yoga class taught me the rather awkward pose of Lady With Head in Toilet Bowl so you may understand why I have a little aversion to all-things-yoga.

Except the pants.

Really.  Have they ever invented a single piece of clothing better than these things?  Face it; these things are perfect.  If I were God, these pants are exactly what I would have sent Adam and Eve out of the garden wearing once they ate that forbidden fruit and realized they were naked.

Stretchy.  Elastic.  Comfy.  Wrinkle free.  Available at Walmart.  BLACK!  Hide everything.  Double as PJ's when you're lazy.  The simple act of wearing them makes people think you have just come from the gym.    The same will be true for leggings the second I lose those extra pounds that make me glad I'm not naked in the garden.

So even though I hate Downward Facing Dog, I love the apparel  in which I am forced to act like a sick canine against my will. 

Not so Tai Chi.

Yeah, this outfit may double as really, really, really big PJ's  (although the front closures look a bit difficile for the lazy girl in me) but just imagine what folks would think if you donned your tai chi pants to run to the grocery store.  And as much as I love the White Crane Spreads Its Wings move, I admit that I'd look like Crazy Woman Wears Big Sleepwear while doing it.

Would God ever contemplate sending you out of the garden wearing this regalia?  I think not.  Even the angels would have been laughing.