Thursday, January 29, 2009

Do you have Prince Albert in a can?

So I told you it was snowing in New Jersey yesterday and my daughters had the day off from school. But, alas, I had to trudge into work myself - because, God knows, some over-zealous Catholic might go telling the Pope if a church office wasn't open for a day. . .
And, so, for those of you who chuckled at my early morning texting antics, here's a glimpse of some of the fun phone calls I got to field once I got to work . . .

Like this. . .

Caller: Can I speak to Densin Foley?

Me: Do you mean Father Dennis Foley? He's a priest here.

Caller: No, I want to talk to Densin

Me: Well there's no Densin who works here. You're calling a Catholic church.

Caller: Well how about his wife? If his wife is there, then I'll talk to her. . .

Or how about those delightful calls from home . . .

Trigger: Mom? How do I boil water???

Me: Tell me, is your still father home?

Trigger: Yes.

Me: Well you march over to him right now and tell him that you just called me at work to ask me how to boil water!!!

Or this one from a daughter away at college. . .

Daughter Number One: Mom, I guess I forgot to tell you. The rent for our beach house is due. I need you to mail a check for $3,000 today. I can give you the address. . .

Or how about this one????
Elderly Mrs. Smith: I had a very bad reaction to some medicine and I've not been able to get to church now for over three weeks!

Me: Well would you like Father to come and visit you? He could bring you Communion.

Mrs. Smith: Oh yes! I would love that.

Me: Well how about tomorrow morning? Would that be good??

Mrs. Smith: No, tomorrow morning would definitely not be good.

Me: Why not?

Mrs. Smith: You see, I have to go to my exercise class. . . .

And then there was this one. . .

Trigger: Mom, you know that thing on the inside of a peach that looks like an almond?
Me: Well I guess so.
Trigger: Is it okay to eat it?

And, last but not least. . .
Trigger: Mom?
Me: Yes?
Trigger: How do you spell my middle name?
Me: I've told you before. . . K A T H L E . . .
Trigger (rudely interrupting) : That's not my middle name!!!! Kathleen is Ponzi's middle name!!!! My middle name's Christine!!!
Me: Well then smartypants! If you know so much, you can figure out how to spell your own name!!!

p.s. For all who are wondering. . . my daughters' school had a delayed opening this morning, but I never heard that strange buzzing in my ear announcing a text message. No, I heard that strange buzzing coming from the kitchen at 5:07 a.m. and had to stumble all the way downstairs only to discover that my daughter in the bedroom upstairs had sent me a text message announcing the happy news . . . Are you surprised????