Monday, March 30, 2009

The coffee chronicles

I purchased a tea kettle today.

The reason for my new-found love of tea is that I never want to see a package of that Dunkin' Freakin' Donuts coffee again!!!

Did you ever hear the phrase Too much of a good thing???? Well, for the first time in my life, I understand the meaning behind the saying.

As you might recall, my parish was the recipient of eight cases of sample packets of the new Dark Roast from Dunkin' Donuts, and so - in the spirit of generosity (to myself, that is) I brought one home, where - after countless discussions, trials, and tribulations - my husband learned how to brew just the right pot of coffee.

And, because the first rule of thievery is always to make others share in your guilt with you (Try this shiny red apple, Adam, I think you'll really like it. . . ) I distributed a case to the teachers in the school and several cases to other employees at work. I placed two cases in the parish food pantry, and the remaining case in the parish kitchen for general use. And let me tell you. . . I became a coffee maniac - brewing coffee morning, noon, and night - whether I felt like having a cup or not!

So you'd think my overwhelming feeling of guilt might have been assuaged.

No dice.

For if I were, by chance, a believer in conspiracy theories, I'd swear that those little packets had banded together in solidarity simply to throw fuel on the fire of my guilty conscience!

On Saturday morning I went to pick up some food which I had ordered for the first time through Angel Food Ministries for seniors and local families in need. Let me just peek inside before I deliver it and see what kind of food you get for $30 thought I, when what should pop out all over the top of box??? You guessed it!

And then it hit me. . . this same coffee was being distributed to poor people and senior citizens and here I was - a brew happy queen - strewing it about like Mrs. Gotrocks with her cash!!!

Did I have no shame????

Later that night, I ran a party for the parish volunteers where one of them spotted the packets in a basket in the kitchen . . . . Oh! I think I know what that coffee is!!! she cried. (Yes, quite a few of my friends, co-workers, and parishioners are faithful readers of this blog) and so now she, too, is burdened with my misdeeds as I sent her home with armloads of the stuff.

The next morning, I happened to pass by our parish food pantry just as some volunteers were assembling Easter baskets for families in the area. . . when suddenly I heard another faithful reader squeal with delight, Oh, here it is! I found the coffee!!!

This - my friends - is my chance to set things right. . . to put the "q" back into "qi" . . . . to swing the pendulum of gracious karma back my way. . . .

Those poor folks are going to get all that remains of that coffee in their Easter baskets if I have to dress like a bunny and hippity-hop over to their houses myself!!!!

And just to prove to you that the karma with this coffee is not good, the other morning I went out to breakfast with my youngest daughter, who - upon alighting from the car inside my garage - brushed against the case of sample packets, spilling the contents everywhere and declaring, Mom! I didn't know you got that much coffee! before nonchalantly stepping over it and into the house. . .