Monday, October 6, 2008

The reports of my demise

Being the mother of a teenage girl is tough.
Not only do we have to manage our out-of-control households, but we have to mange the P.R. for that household as well. And if you have not experienced it firsthand, let me just tell you that competition in the Mommy field can be brutal at times - for nothing makes a mother of a teenage girl happier than finding out that another mother is experiencing more angst than she is. And so, their Mommy radar is always up . . .looking for that juicy tidbit of gossip that might somehow make her daughter look better to the rest of the world.
And so my friends, to borrow a phrase from a fellow journalist, The Spin Stops Here. You are now going to hear this bit of information from the horse’s mouth:

My two youngest daughters have withdrawn from the all girls’ Catholic school to attend the local high school.

In reality, the whole world knows that already. What the whole world of mothers of teenage girls is dying to know is why.

So first let me allay your fears and suspicions by telling you why not. . .

  • It’s not because my husband lost his job.
  • It’s not because my husband left me.
  • It’s not because my daughters have rebelled against me and embraced Buddism.
  • And it’s certainly not because that little incident at the Kanye West concert got reported back to the school and the nuns kicked them out.
They simply wanted a change of scenery.

And yes, my husband and I agreed to the shift because the high school offers more opportunity for them, we were tired of shuttling them a good half-hour whenever they wanted to go to a friend’s house, and we liked the thought of saving the combined $25,000 a year in tuition.

So ladies, please don’t invite me out to lunch in hopes that I’m going to spill my guts and divulge some juicy story that just doesn't exist.
Please don’t stop me after church and declare, I haven't seen your girls in such a long time! How are they doing ????
And the next time you see me in the grocery store, please contain the urge to ask, Now who is your husband with again? (What a carefully crafted question! An answer to that one question could potentially reveal a virtual gold mine of gossip. My husband could be unemployed and living with another woman at the same time!)


The answer is Boys.