Sunday, November 2, 2008

Deal? Or no deal?

Tuesday is election day and I have a proposition for my oldest daughter who is away at college.

You don't know this yet, my dear, but you're in a bit of a dilemma, and so am I.

But I have thought of a way to work things out to be a win/win for both of us.

So here is your problem as I see it. . . . I am 90% certain that your absentee ballot request was filed too late to be honored. And so I am anticipating a phone call from you on Monday afternoon or Tuesday morning announcing that you are driving home in order to vote.

The problem with your problem is this: You, my eco-conscience daughter, will be expanding your carbon footprint by driving the unnecessary four hours. In addition, you will be using at least $50 of my money to put gas in that car (unless, by some miracle, you've starting working and have stopped using my credit card) in order to drive here to vote for your candidate and down the line for the rest of the ticket.

I, on the other hand, have over-committed myself yet again, and have not been able to free myself from certain responsibilities with the other political party that I assumed years ago when my children were young and I was not yet stuck in the spin cycle. Hence, my problem is that I am supposed to act as a "challenger" at the polls.

The problem with my problem is this . . . For those of you who don't know me, let me just tell you that avoidance and procrastination are my best friends. Consequently, I have been completely derelict of my civic duty throughout this entire election cycle. I did not attend the information session about becoming a "challenger" so I don't know what my responsibilities are. . . I haven't attended a meeting, opened an email, or returned a desperate phone call from the local party chairman . . . I haven't handed out a leaflet, made a phone call, or shown my face at a rally or event. . . and I cannot - for the life of me - find the challenger card that was mailed to me only two weeks ago!

Now, considering all this, could you tell me how I am going to walk into that polling place and vote on Tuesday??? (Did I forget to tell you that old-fashioned Catholic guilt makes up the third leaf of my best friend troika?)

So here comes my proposition to you - my eldest daughter. . .

It's simple really. . .

Quite ingenious if I do say so myself. . .

You promise to stay home on your couch and I'll promise to stay home on mine!

You save my money and your precious fossil fuels. I'll save myself all sorts of embarrassment, and - most importantly - our votes will not cancel each other out! Your father will still vote for my candidates and your younger sister just realized the other day that I had never registered her to vote (like I would ever help her vote for the other candidate) so the household overall will be up one vote thanks to my efforts and I can rest knowing I have fulfilled my civic duty!

And so I ask you . . . .

Daughter Number One. . .

Deal or no deal????????