Dear Drip Dry,
Thank you for your timely response in attempting to teach Ponzi how to drive.
But perhaps, my love, I was not as clear as I could have been in my last letter to you on the subject. . .
When I requested that you teach our third (and final) daughter how to drive, I was envisioning tutorials in some of the finer arts of driving . . . you know. . . things like K-turns and parallel parking. I was not, my dear, thinking that she would simply drive her older sister's car to Starbucks so that you (and she) could use that ten dollar gift card that had been burning a hole in your pocket since Christmas.
Now, with all due respect, I have to ask you. . .
What in Heaven's name were you thinking????? Good God! That car could drive itself to Starbucks with a blindfold on! In fact, I'm quite sure there's a autopilot setting. . . just push the button that says Coffee!
I don't mean to find fault in your efforts, my love, but you were clearly duped. (Don't fret over your lack of common sense, you Stanford graduate. . . she's fooled quicker thinkers than you. She is - indeed- a smooth operator, that permit girl!)
So now I humbly request that you pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and re-double your efforts to teach her how to drive . . . for real this time.
With all wishes for your future success, I remain. . .
p.s. Those paper Starbucks cups are disposable, even if they do have that cozy sleeve to protect your delicate hands. You can throw it away now. . .
As always, I'm just saying. . .
