Friday, May 15, 2009

The cost of letting her live on this earth

My post the other day got me thinking. . . what if I really tallied every dime it cost me to let my soon-to-be college graduate live upon this earth?

I'm sure I can't calculate every expense, but here's a start. . .

Two years of preschool: $2,500
Nine years of Catholic Grammar school $18,000
Four years of Catholic High School: $42,000
Four years of a private college (even with a $40,000 academic scholarship. . . ) $140,000

now for the fun stuff. . .

Ballet lessons: $600.
Irish dancing lessons, costumes, curly-hair wigs, shoes, feis fees, etc.: $1,200.
Hip-Hop lessons $350.

Braces: $5,000

Broken wrist falling from bicycle: $350.
Broken arm falling down stairs: $300.
Broken other-arm tripping on boardwalk three weeks later: $300.
Neurology testing to diagnose daydreaming: $250.

High school trip to Florida so parents could go to Ireland: $350.
High school Senior Year Spring break in Florida: $450

College laptop: $950.
Replacement college laptop: $700.
Three digital cameras: $375.
Four series of cell phones: $325.
Heaven Nundred and Nifty Blue Scholar phone bill for one month: $752.

My virtual vacation (a.k.a. a semester in Florence) $4,000.

Four years of summer "mission" trips with church youth group: $900.
Two mission trips to Guatemala: $1,300.

Behind-the-wheel driving instruction: $300
Three car accidents: $3,000
One ticket for an "illegal turn": $360.
One summons for underage drinking: I forget.
Third, fourth, and fifth used family cars: $13,000
Car insurance: God help me!
Gas: There is no freakin' way on earth I could calculate that!
Parking tickets: $50

Train fare and spending money for summer of internships with DiNiro: $850;
Getting to talk to DiNiro on the phone about perfume purchases: Priceless!

Clothing? Don't even go there!!!!

Rent for beach house senior year of college: Uncalculated. For a very good reason . . .
Fees that must be paid before Graduation: $290

That's over $230,000 to let that child live upon this earth. . . and that little price tag does not include my own personal birthing fees, pain and hardship, wear-and-tear, or bodily depreciation. . .

My God! Would someone tell me why on earth I ever had three of them????

Hey, I could have billed her for the cost of the honeymoon, cause I'm pretty sure that's where I conceived her. . .

wait. . .wait. . .wait. . . iPods. . . How could i have forgotten two iPods @ $700???? Oh my God, there must be so much more I have forgotten. . .