Friday, July 3, 2009

Dear Car Gods

It's Friday, so it must be time for another episode of Dear So and So. . . thunk up by Kat at 3 Bedroom Bungalow. Go visit her to read some other fascinating correspondence. . . .
Dear Car Gods,

Please excuse me for not knowing your names, but - from my limited understanding of ancient mythology - I'm assuming you must be fairly new to the scene. Oh. . . and I'm also assuming that you must be gods in the plural sense, for no mere god could keep track of my daughter's comings and goings. . . .

Anyway. . . I am writing to you because my little family unit is in very poor automotive health at the present time.

As you probably know, our dear Roberta - after having been stranded in a stranger's driveway all last week while Veggie left for parts unknown, only to return and whisk her up and down the Northeast Corridor for the next three days - has suffered from a breakdown (we think she's a bit of the nervous type. . . but, you know, who wouldn't be traumatized in the hands of my daughters? I refuse to even get in the car when they're driving. . . I can't imagine being the instrument by which they . . . I can say no more. . . ) So, poor Roberta got towed away last night and has been hospitalized for the long holiday weekend until a mechanic shows up on Monday morning to help her.

Which leaves my three daughters to argue over Percy.

Now, Percy may look smart because of all of the cousins' pricey college stickers on the windshield (which came with him at the time of purchase) but even Percy does not have an advanced degree in mediation. And I'm afraid that our poor little Toyota Camry has been witness to some pretty mean-spirited carjacking in the past few days, as the battles between Ponzi and Trigger have escalated to new heights. (Oh. . . and, by the way Car Gods, if you ever see Ponzi's boyfriend. . . you know. . . the one with his right arm in a sling from the broken collarbone. . . driving one of our cars again, could you please eject him quickly from the driver's seat before my husband finds out and ensures that his other arm is place in a sling as well????)

Now where was I?

Well, if the story Ponzi tells me was correct. . . some nice police officer (perhaps the very same one who helped tow Roberta away???) informed her yesterday that Percy had a flat tire and, wasn't it lucky that Ponzi's boyf happened to be in the car 'cause he put air in the tire for her - averting yet another automotive disaster????

But, let me tell you Car Gods, after two chance encounters with police officers yesterday, it's a damn good thing that neither of them saw me driving White Ice.

Now, after looking around for someone to blame for my minivan's current dilemma, I've pointed the finger squarely at the New Jersey Division of Motor Vehicles who dared to have their on-line site "under construction" during the long holiday weekend. Now I ask you. . . how else are slackers like me supposed to renew their 1999 Dodge Grand Caravan's registration which expired on June 30th? Don't they know that I always procrastinate, renewing on line three days late and then printing the receipt, carrying it around in my glove compartment to say Here officer, I really did renew it. . . I just haven't gotten the actual card yet. . . See ??? And what's worse. . . this year's debacle includes a little state inspection that hasn't been performed and whose little "6/2009" sticker is sitting in the corner of my windshield for every police officer from here to eternity to see. . .

Oh my!

So here we are, Car Gods, on a long holiday weekend . . . with five licensed drivers in the house. . . forced to share 1 and 3/4 cars (I guess three out of four tires aren't bad. . . Oh. . . and did I tell you . . . my husband doesn't really like to "share" his Jeep. . . so much so, that it doesn't even rate a name. . . it's just referred to as Dad's Car. . . )

But will you be smiling on me on Monday, Car Gods, when - having already waved goodbye to Ponzi, Trigger and my husband on Sunday as they leave for a service trip to Appalachia - I drop Veggie off at the airport to depart for the UK and return home (all alone!!!) and have four cars to choose from for the remainder of the week?????
I hope so! Oh, I hope so!!!!