Friday, February 3, 2017

Go Commando!

Do you remember when your mother told you that you should always wear clean underwear because you never know when you will end up in the emergency room?   Did she ever tell you that you needed an additional dozen in reserve?

I posted my experience with ending up in the ER without my legs shaved, but it never dawned on me to prepare for the possibility that I would end up in the hospital for days on end.  And who would ever guess that - after my close brush with death - one of my anxieties would center around underwear?  Underwear?

It just so happened that a week or two before I got sick I cleaned out my underwear drawer, leaving myself exactly ten pair of the same underwear.  Ten of the same thing; three different colors; exactly how a control freak like myself wants life to be.

Except I don't do laundry often enough any more.  Those three thong-wearers have moved out of the house and Drip Dry no longer trusts my laundering skills.  And so I do my own laundry about once a week.  I think you can do the math.  This, my friends, leaves one vulnerable to getting sick and landing in the hospital with only three pair to spare.  What's worse, if you happen to be really sick for two days in advance of heading to that hospital, you are sporting your last pair of clean undies in the ER!!!!

There has to better a better way. . .  Yes, I know I could buy more granny panties or do my laundry more often, but I have come up with a better solution:

Go commando!

That way all ten pair of undies can stay neatly folded in my drawer and be available for any emergency.  Like suppose that aliens invaded and I had to go hide in an underground bunker.  I would have a ten day supply of underwear.  Likewise, if an asteroid came crashing into earth and all water and electricity were disrupted, I'd be spanking clean for ten full days.   How about earthquakes, tornadoes, hurricanes?  We would be forced to take refuge in a shelter and everyone around me would be stinking by the second day.  But not me!  I'd be as fresh as a daisy.

Go commando.  It's brilliant.