Heaven Nundred and Nifty-Blue Scholars!

Imagine sitting at work and hearing that familiar BUZZ that tells you a text message has just arrived. Once you get past the initial annoyance that one of your three teenage daughters is texting during school again and must want something from you (probably money) you steady yourself to view the message.

But no amount of steadying can prepare you for this!

The message reads. . .

Your VZW bill is ready to view on-line.

Your current bal is $$$.$$

for acct. ending #######.
Visit verizonwireless.com or dial #PMT SEND to pay.

To pay? Just like that they think I'm going to pay that amount???? I thank you, Verizon employees for the helpful reminder, but you just don't drop a bomb like that amount and run - for no where in that helpful text did it say. . .

For those of you experiencing

unusual heart palpitations,

dial 911!

or. . .

To find the number of your

local pharmacy to renew your

prescription for Xanex,

dial 411!

or even. . .

For the family crisis hotline,

anger management intervention,

or other emergency services,

dial 211!

I have failed as a mother!

Have I taught these girls nothing? Did I not drill one lesson into their heads ever since they were old enough to hold a cell phone in their hands?

Remember how your mother used to say, It's just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as it is a poor one? Well, my motherly advice always went something like this. . . Before you even exchange phone numbers with a boy, make sure he's in your network!!!!

And I don't want you bringing home any of those Out-of Network Guys home for dinner!

Could it be any clearer???

One of my daughters once had an Out-of-Network Friend.

We had to get rid of her.

And how about the time my other daughter's cell phone wasn't working and she texted her boyfriend for three days straight on my phone which doesn't have a texting plan?

We had to get rid of that daughter too.

Yes, my friends, I thought I had seen it all. . .

But along comes Chatty Kathy and a month of phone calls to her new Out-of-Network Guy!

My husband doesn't think I should divulge exactly how chatty our daughter was (says we'll look foolish or something.) And so my friends, I've decided that I will not reveal the dollar amount.

But. . . I will, however, give you a subtle hint!

The first number rhymes with heaven,

the next rhymes with nifty,

and the third with blue.

That's right, dear readers . . .

Heaven Nundred

and Nifty-Blue Scholars

for one month's cell phone use!!!

I'm accepting apologies, condolences, and donations of excess rollover minutes in the comment section below.