Saturday, March 21, 2009

Coffee anyone???

I'm married to a brain surgeon . . . or maybe an astrophysicist. . . or a nuclear scientist. . . I'm not sure.

(Let me just interrupt my own story here for a moment to tell you that, in my attempt to keep true to my sorry Lenten promise to not complain about my daughters, I am now forced to set my sights on the next-closest thing - and that would be my unsuspecting husband. Sorry dear, but it's all in the name of God. . . )

So could someone tell me how - in God's name - one person could be so concerned about coffee measurements??????

It all started when I lifted a case of Dunkin' Donuts coffee from work.

Now I know what you're thinking (don't worry, I'll go to confession later) but - in order to make a long story short - let me just tell you that a nearby "mission" had been the recipient of numerous cases of Dunkin' Donuts coffee . . . and they decided to share the wealth . . . . so my parish, in turn, received eight cases of these sample packages for the church to use . . . all of which had an expiration date of June, 2009 . . . and seeing that there was no way on God's good earth we could ever use all that coffee in those teenie tiny packages before June. . . and being that they always tell us that the people are the church . . . and I am a people (well, person, but the others in my household make us people - churchgoing or not) . . . and being that the collective people in my household drink a lot of coffee. . . and further being that I was forced to put a moratorium on buying Tassimo pods because we were going broke. . . I lifted a case of the coffee from work ( on my "perfect" day, no less) and brought it home with me.

And the next morning, my friends, is when it all began.

I don't want to bore you with the details, but each little sample package has a banner across the front that reads Makes 4 cups of coffee! but, would that have been good enough for Einstein???


Let's just say that my husband then retired into mathematical heaven and started scribbling equivalencies and performing equations converting fluid ounces to tablespoons (he even took a pack to work to weigh it on his astro-physicist-neurological-atomic-scale, to verify that it did contain - in fact - contain two ounces of coffee) all of this to come to the conclusion that they want you to use twice as much of the free coffee as you need to! And then came the discussion about metering it out. . .stretching it to six cups. . . then eight. . .

And, my friends, this morning I had to listen to each one of his machinations as those giant gears of genius slowly turned in his head. . .

. . .when in walked Trigger. . . with some fancy Thrice-iced-frappa-chappa-mocha-choca-latte-fratte from Smartworld.

I don't need to insult your intelligence by telling you what happened next, but I think it's safe to say that - while I may have to go to confession later for lifting the coffee in the first place - I have already done my penance!

Did you know that there is a dry measurement known as a hogshead? And, no, we've already discussed it in detail and have determined, that since a hogshead is equivilent to 16 gallons, no one would have used the actual head of a hog to create it. . . but I'm sure old hubbie's downstairs right now trying to determine how much coffee he could make from one . . . .