Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow

It's not every day that a girl gets lucky enough  to withdraw over $36,000 from an account in one afternoon.

But I did today.

Just a small price to pay, my friends, in order to send Trigger and Ponzi back to college for another semester.

A very small price for the restoration of my sanity.

So go on my little fledglings.  Go leave the nest once more. . .

Go with your 42 pairs of flip-flops. . . your Uggs. . . and your thongs.   Go with your breast banderos and your less-than-sticky-boobs.  Take flight along with those countless pairs of shoes with six-inch heels (the ones you swear that all the sorority sisters wear! and not just the New York City streetwalkers. . .) And about that single pair of jeans you've been arguing over all summer??? Perhaps you'll just have to rip them in half and take one leg along with the 14 other pairs you each own.

Take with you your specialty foods purchased at great cost for you. .  . your quinoa, millet, amaranth and buckwheat. . . your soy and coconut flours. Grab the organic tofu and coconut oil. . . . pumpkin, sunflower, and flax seeds. . . the gluten-free soy sauce and the all-so-important aluminum-free baking powder. . .And don't forget the blue agave nectar. . .organic cinnamon. . . and essential oil of oregano.

Remember too your umpteen supplements. .  .the vitamin C crystals. . . the olive leaf extract. . . and the one that sounds just like tree bark (although I can't imagine that anyone in their right mind would voluntarily ingest the bark of trees. . . and, yes, I know what cinnamon is but give me a little hilarity room here. . . )  Be sure to take that stuff that promises to kill every fungus and bacteria known to humankind yet is still safe to purify fish tanks. . .'cause you're in your own apartments now and won't be able to clean your toilets with your sulphate-free shampoo.

Depart with your tap-tap makeup and your 27 makeup brushes.  Gather all 19 bottles of cleansers and "products" from your shower.  Steal my Q-tips, deodorant, and moroccan hair oil one final time.  Take those fancy razors and expensive hair straighteners (for who wants to be reminded of her ch'i while in the bathroom???)   Leave no pumice stone unturned.  No lathering face scrub to left to linger. . .

And by all means, go ahead and pack that fancy self-tanner . . . because I've noticed that you've somehow managed to leave the careless overspray of said tanner on your off-white bedroom carpet.   Rest assured, knowing that whenever I glance in that room and see the two white footprints where your perfectly-pedicured feet once stood, I will always think of you. . .

Yes, go my darlings.

Just go. . .

And Trigger?   Hold onto that legal 22-year-old driver's license of yours for dear life.  If you leave it hanging about Ponzi will scoop that up in a heartbeat!